I'm not going to start a day count, yet. Once I go completely raw, I'll start counting the days. I'm still building up my inner resolve to make this change that I know is so very right for me. I'm reading a lot on the Web and in books. I've been raw before, but never more than a few months. This time I have a feeling that my body really needs to be eating only live foods. I feel that my health is declining, I am aging faster than I should for my years on this earth (40). I want to feel alive, happy, vibrant, and whole.

This journey isn't about what I eat, or don't eat. It's about how I want to feel and how I can get to that point of health. Eating raw, living foods is one of my ways to get there. It's all so very natural, makes so much sense, and I truly feel ready to embrace such a natural way of living. In the past I've allowed what others have thought to change my mind about the path I was on. To be honest, in the past I didn't have such a strong internal voice telling me this is what I need to do. I have always been interested in healthy eating. I've been a vegetarian all my life, but I was forced to eat meat until I was about twelve years old. I've been vegan for many years, too, but tend to fall back to dairy as a comfort food. The healthiest I've ever felt was when I was doing a lemonade fast. I felt fantastic--filled with energy and life. After going off that fast, however, I gained a lot of weight. I read later that my body stored everything I ate as fat because I was in a starvation mode, or something. It was disappointing, but I still remember how wonderful I felt while I was only consuming the lemonade. I've felt almost as good when I was eating only raw foods, but not quite as good as with the lemonade fast.

Lately we've been eating a lot more greens than we have in the past. We joined a CSA and have fresh, organic garden veggies every Thursday. Since my husband doesn't like the texture of cooked greens (I don't boil them until they are mush--I just lightly cook them), he has been juicing his greens with some carrots and sometimes beets. I've been drinking the juice with him, but I've also been eating the greens. I feel the changes in my body just from those small changes (the fresh juices and eating more greens). I feel like the energy of the plants is reminding my body that this is what it's supposed to be consuming, this is how it's supposed to be feeling (with even more energy to come if I consume more live and less cooked foods).

So, I'm on a journey to becoming healthier. My main concern is my physical health, but my mental and spiritual health are very important to me, as well. I've been seeing a psychologist about past childhood sexual abuse and learning to talk about things that bother me, things that upset me. I'm learning to purge all of the things that I've stored inside of me since I was a very young child. The more I open up and share, the lighter I feel. I'm at a turning point in my life. I've been here for a long time, just walking in circles and not completely taking the next steps for my new journey. Lately, however, things are coming together and I'm steadying myself--getting my balance after the years of dizzying circle walking. I'm standing still, and almost ready to step out of my path and move on to a new one. This journal is here to help me keep track of my journey--to see the progress I make and I am sprouting alive again.

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At the end of my posts, I'll try to keep an updated list of what I eat each day. (Everything is organic, unless otherwise noted. I have gradually switched over to 95% organic with everything I use in the house.)

Today:

* 1/2 cup granola-type cereal w/flax and 1 cup soymilk

* Salad (romaine, celery, beet, kohlrabi, carrot, sunflower and pumpkin seeds, scallions, olive and flax oil, dash balsamic vinegar, sea salt, dried garlic granules, dried oregano)

* 1/3 pack of firm tofu, heated with olive oil, soysauce, nonorganic dried spices (different kinds), fresh (raw) garlic

* 1/2 cup granola-type cereal w/flax and 1 cup soymilk

* Steamed broccoli

* Lightly cooked swiss chard with fresh, live garlic and olive oil

* Mixed green salad, walnuts, olive and flax oil, dash of balsamic vinegar, sea salt

* 1/2 of a vegan peanutbutter bar cookie (that had chocolate in it, but I didn't realize it when I bought it)

* Small piece of zucchini bread that a friend made