Below, you will find a copy of the journal I kept during my transition into, and my first year of, a 100% raw, vegan diet. Some of it is quite personal, but I still wanted to share it with all of you. We may never meet in person, but I feel we are all connected in this world.I want to share my story with you, in hopes that you may learn something about yourself by reading about my journey into the raw lifestyle. Perhaps you'll be inspired (that's my wish), or learn to not make similar mistakes.

The journal begins in July of 2006 and continues into October 2007. If you are interested in reading something from the beginning, please use the archive feature at the right side of this page. If a month has more than one page worth of entries, there will be a "previous entries" link at the bottom of the page to view the rest of the entries for that month.

I have not edited my entries at all. Any entries that were originally marked private have been made public (with the exception of one that included personal information about people other than myself). Even though the entries are old, you are still welcome to add comments or ask questions. We will be notified of any comments that are left.

Again, I hope that I am in some way able to offer something positive to your life by sharing my personal Going Raw Journal.

Lots of love and peace to all of you,
Wendi
XOXOXO

Since I've been eating simply the past few days, it was easy to plug things into FitDay.com to check out my calories and nutritional levels. I was shocked that I wasn't even getting 600 calories a day! Shouldn't I have been ravenous and ready to eat anything if I didn't get enough calories? Is my metabolism and digestion so slow that I can survive on only half of what most others consume? I was a little freaked out when I saw that.

Most times I probably eat a lot more calories, however, because I usually eat nuts and seeds. However, that would be adding only fat and some protein to create those extra calories. Is that really that much healthier--getting the extra calories in the form of fat? :-/

If I eat more at a sitting, stuffing myself and stretching my stomach, I end up not being hungry at all later and I actually feel uncomfortable. Will eating only raw foods eventually cause a balance of acid in my stomach so that my digestion is faster, will it cause my metabolism to speed up to a healthy level? If so, then all will be fine in the end. I don't know. I do know that for now, I feel good. I feel like I'm eating what my body wants to eat, I have energy (not abundant, though), my body is looking and feeling healthier, etc. I want to follow what my inner self is telling me to do. It's telling me that I don't need to eat when I'm not hungry. But, seeing so few calories and so few nutrients (except for Vit C, which was off the charts in excess, and B6 that seemed to be adequate), kind of disturbed me.

Well, I think I'm definitely sensitive to garlic. Last night, before going to bed, I already had the dark circles under my eyes. I woke up and it was even worse, and my eyes were a bit puffy. There's still a chance it's from the nuts and/or nama shoyu, however.

For now, I've decided that if I want it, I'm still going to eat it. One day I will feel that I'd prefer to feel better than to have that taste, I'm sure. For now, I'm just sticking with being raw and if that means eating things that I'm a bit sensitive to, so be it.

Yesterday I definitely had enough calories. I'm sure it was too much fat, however, to get all of those calories. :-/

I didn't come for June to write anything down, but for May I lost zero pounds. Yep, zero. I think it was from a combination of all the stress I was going through coupled with me trying to eat mostly fruit. Fruit, no matter how healthy it's supposed to be for people, tends to make me retain/gain weight. If all that I read about PCOS/IR is true, then eating only fruit even if I'm a healthy weight will cause me to gain. So, I learned my lesson. Even if fruitarians look vibrant and very healthy and alive, it just isn't right for me (at least not at this point in my life). I love greens, so why should I force myself to love fruits when it's not what I'm drawn to right now?

Anyway, I lost zero in May. Then at the beginning of this month (July), I weighed in at 150. So, I lost more than four pounds, once I started eating greens again. It's now almost half way through July and I haven't lost anything, yet. I have been eating a lot more nuts and fats, so maybe I'm at a point where I can't lose as easily without exercising and watching what I consume. I don't know. It's all so fascinating.

I'm going friends-only on this journal from now on. I went back and changed some of the latest posts to friends-only because things I was sharing were being warped by some close friends. One thing that was misunderstood was me saying that I have a sluggish digestion, which was taken to mean that I am constipated (and therefore anorexic !). I've never been constipated except a few times when I was a kid that I remember. Never in my adult life have I ever been constipated. I've eaten very healthy most of my life, so that problem never happened for me. When I said my digestion is sluggish, I meant that food doesn't leave my stomach for a long time--it seems to just sit there. The holistic doctor I see thinks that I have low stomach acid. As for anorexia, I am into living a *healthy* life and starving myself is certainly not something I consider healthy.

I always wanted this journal to be public, but things have shifted in my life and I no longer feel comfortable with it being public. I will, however, add you if you are interested in raw foods and health! So, please don't hesitate to let me know if you'd like me to add you.

If you have read about raw foods, you'll sometimes hear about going through detox--not just physical detox, but emotional detox. Well, the emotional detox has been much more obvious for me than the physical one! It's because of that detox that I now need to keep this journal as friends-only.

Happy eating and healthy living to all of you!

Okay, I had to make my journal friends-only from now on. I went back and changed some of the more recent posts to friends-only, as well. I've gone through a huge emotional detox and have realized that I had a very unhealthy pattern of always putting myself out there for others, never asking for anything in return (feeling I didn't deserve it). I think with going raw, seeing a therapist, and waking up to my true self a bit more (still just pulling back the covers on that one!), I was able to see unhealthy relationships that I had formed. I ended those relationships and have been dealing with all that comes from such an action. In the end, this stress will pass and it will have all been worth it.

On a positive note...I have continually stayed 100% raw!!! Yep, I haven't eaten anything cooked since the middle of December. :-D I feel confident in saying that I will continue with my goal of one year raw. It is just a part of my life, part of who I am, part of my journey right now.

I didn't lose even one pound during the month of May. I think it was because of all the stress, coupled with me eating more fruits than anything else. I think that no matter how vibrant and healthy fruitarians are, some bodies just aren't cut out for eating only fruit. I think my PCOS/IR doesn't work well with too much fruit and that's why my weight didn't change. I did go down in June, however. I lost more than four pounds in June, but I don't recall exactly how much without going back to my previous locked post where I listed my weight. Currently, I haven't lost any more weight this month, however. I have a feeling I'm at a point that I need to actually exercise to gain greater health. It's amazing to me that I was able to lose over 70 pounds without exercising and simply eating whatever/however much food I wanted as long as it was raw.

I'm busy today and headed to the Harry Potter movie this evening!!! YAY!!! Anyway, I'm only going to post what I've eaten.

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* banana