Well, it's the beginning of another month and I'm still raw. Yay for me! :-D Since I started 100% raw in the middle of December, that makes me 4 1/2 months raw. That's not overly long, but it's still great!

I've been having cravings more lately. I don't know if it's from stress, from my body detoxing from the things I'm craving (as some raw foodists believe), or from cutting back on the more gourmet raw foods that are similar to cooked foods (at least for my taste buds). I try to analyze the craving...what is it that I'm looking for? Is it salt, sugar, fat, sour, etc. It usually works, and the craving goes away. I just noticed that the cravings are a lot more recently. In the beginning, I don't think I really had many cravings, if any at all. The things I've been craving are things like pizza, grilled cheese, pasta with some sort of cheese sauce or oil and garlic. It's all seeming like mostly the fat and salt that I want, but the pizza craving the other day seemed to be telling me that I wanted the sauce (which would include the oil and salt). So, I'm probably going to make those nut balls with marinara that taste so yummy.

I'm down just three pounds this month, since I gained two and had to lose that in addition to what my body is naturally shedding. So, really I lost five pounds this past month, but it only counts as three. I like the way my body is responding, seeming to change faster than the weight loss. My mind still isn't caught up with my body, however, and I still don't want to wear clothes that can show what I look like. I'm still wearing my same clothes, but I have to rely on a belt to keep my jeans up. One pair of jeans can't be worn in public anymore because they look so ridiculous. The pair I have been wearing the most used to only come up half way on my butt and I'd wear a long shirt over it. I had to buy them, because I couldn't find anything else at the time that would fit (because all the jeans were that style where they are hip huggers with tight thighs). Now they fit like a "normal" pair of jeans, coming up to my waist and not being tight in the legs at all. My daughter wants me to get new tops because most of my tops are too big in the arms and they droop down and you can see right in, under my arm, to my arm pits and sides of my torso. I'm not ready for new clothes, though. The psychologist I see said that someday my mind will catch up with my body and I won't be uncomfortable with the whole change. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with losing the weight--I want to be healthy. I'm just uncomfortable with the idea that people will be looking at me. No one really looks at fat people much, except to maybe think that they are fat. I can handle that kind of stuff, feeling hurt inside and forcing a smile on the outside. Being looked at in the other way, however, I can't handle. That kind of look makes me feel unsafe. Someday I will be strong, I know. I look forward to that day of total freedom--of feeling like I'm alive and I'm not under any threat.

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* two bananas

* salad (red leaf, baby romaine, lemon, salt, olive/flax oil, Brazil nuts, pepitos)

* banana

* carob shake (usual way)